03 February 2014

5 Things I've Learned

Hi there! Hope your day is going well so far. :)

Mallory has been just a real peach the past 24 hours... First, she decided she was too cool to sit in her stroller so I got to carry her around for hours worth of errands yesterday. Then, we get home and she forgets how to nurse [she does this sometimes.] It takes me getting in the bath with her for her to remember again. While she is taking a 3 hour nap late in the evening (grrrreat) I figured I would go ahead and pump her a bottle so I wouldn't have to worry about the theatrics for the next feeding. Of course when the next feeding roles around, she won't take the bottle, only wants the boob. SO, while she is nursing I walk into the kitchen to put the unused bottle in the fridge and Mal kicks the water dispenser, soaking herself with cold water. Cool. I love middle of the night wardrobe changes...

Anyway, this has inspired me to share a few things I've learned since becoming a parent. Now that I've been a mom for about 15 minutes I'm SUPER qualified, so listen up!

1. "Living life on the edge" means painting your nails during nap time. Your polish actually drying before the baby wakes up--HUGE victory!




2. Entire meals can be prepared using only one hand, while moving slightly off balance, covered in spit up and narrating the entire processes.  (Huge shout out to people who truly have just one hand. It's not easy!) Note: This also applies to laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, etc.  Although, if you follow me on Instagram you saw Mal recently had me trying a new technique...

*That right there is a hiking backpack. Not quite the baby carrier I had in mind. Kyle brilliantly suggested "if she won't sit in her stroller, take the backpack." Ha! I will not shop at the mall wearing a damn hiking backpack! Not yet anyway.

3. If you live with dogs, they will conspire against you. They can sense when things are stressful and know just when to chime in. You know how I recently wrote a post gushing over my guardian angel, Schatzi? Yesterday she knew it was "one of those days." So, after I take our freshly washed bedding out of the dryer she takes a piss on them! Sweet. Thanks SHITzi. Tell me what you really think about not getting attention. There's not enough beer in the world people. Not enough beer in the world...
Planning their next move...

4. Things rarely go wrong when both parents are around. FACT. Flat tire? You're by yourself with the baby. Power goes out? You're by yourself with the baby. Load your groceries in the car and realize you forgot the ONE item you went to the store for? You're by yourself with the baby. You get a stomach bug? You're definitely by yourself with the baby.

5. [this one is longwinded, ready go!] Hopefully you grew up with parents who, like mine, told you how much they loved you and that they would do anything for you. They'd even give up their life for you! This always seemed like such a grand and heroic thing to say/feel....until I had Mallory. It's not. It's so so simple. Giving up my life for her would be a complete no brainer.

The conversation would go like this:

"Amanda, you need to run to the store and buy milk and diapers. Then, when you get back your life is over so Mallory can keep living."

Me: "Ok. Can I shower first? Which debit card should I use at the store?"

The fifth lesson is that I thought I knew what love was, until I met Mallory.





I'm so excited to see what lessons the next few months (and years) of parenthood hold! 

This is going to be quite the ride :)

What are some of the things you learned as a new parent?

17 comments:

  1. This post definitely made me giggle. 1) I LOVE that nail polish color 2) I think you should sport that beautiful hiking backpack at the mall - you never know, it may become a great mom fashion accessory 3) Why is is that the dogs always have to follow up a good moment with a bad one?? 4) I relate to the bad things happening when you're alone with baby (or without in my case). One puppy decides to rip your arm off while trying to chase after that fox? Definitely by myself. A ginormous wolf spider (who I aptly named Gigantor) decides to take a stroll through your bathroom - DEFINITELY alone. The dog decides to be violently sick - yep...all by myself. 5) That is just so sweet. My parents have always said that to me and one day I'll fully understand.

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    1. 1. I will look for that polish bottle to confirm the color...but I'm pretty sure it's Essie's Mint Candy Apple. 2. NEVER 3. Because they can be real assholes. 4. violently sick pets are usually disgusting... been there. 5. No greater job on the planet.
      ;)

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  2. GAH motherhood sounds so daunting but you make it look fun! And I have the craziest time trying to keep up with just a dog... can only IMAGINE having a baby in the house along with him! The piss in the laundry sounds totally accurate :)

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    1. It is fun! Well, as long as you don't take yourself too seriously....but who is serious covered in a very cute tiny person's fecal matter? ;)

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  3. Amanda, your blog is so hilarious and real! I love it! What a great sense of humor.

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    1. Thank you Katy! :) So nice to hear from you again!

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  4. Amen to all of these! I also believe my dog is conspiring against me when he decides to bark his head off at NOTHING when I finally get the baby to nap. I swear he laughs at me while I frantically try to get him to stop barking. :(

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    1. Oh. My. Gosh. YES! What is up with that?! Schatzi hates the UPS truck and without fail he drives by as i'm putting the baby down. Do you think a note requesting foot delivery to my street is appropriate?

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  5. I just found your blog, this post was a great one to stumble upon!! I can relate to so much of this!! And I am totally guilty of putting my daughter in the hiking backpack to be able to drink a cup of coffee while it's still lukewarm. I too live in Alaska so I feel like the hiking backpack is totally fashionable :)

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    1. :) Hi there! Lukewarm after the fifth microwave reheat is how I take my coffee these days...
      Maybe we should start a hiking back pack club at the 5th Ave mall!

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  6. Came over from Mal's blog today - your daughter is absolutely precious!!

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    1. Thanks Nina! I'm so happy you stopped by.

      I think she's pretty precious myself. ;)

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  7. One: I found you MalSmiles and loved your post there.
    Two: I directly came over here, and love this post as well. You have such a great sense of humor!
    Three: I will now be follwing along, as I'd hate to miss any other humor & baby filled posts.

    Have a great rest of the week :)

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    1. 1,2,3: I think I dig your humor already ;)

      You have a great week too! Thanks for stopping by!

      Ps.I'm taking a v-day print from your blog.

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  8. This is too cute! Believe me, there will be MANY more lessons you will learn in parenting! ;)

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    1. I look forward to it! Any lessons you'd like to share? I peaked at your blog and i'm sure you have some stories about your kiddos. ;)

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  9. It sounds like you had a "lovely" evening a few nights ago, I'm sorry!! But I did LOVE reading this post though!I love how funny and clever it is. I also see someone with a beautiful ring and some beautiful blue nails!! I wish I was brave enough to get adventurous with my nail polish selections. If it isn't some shade of red or pink, it is difficult for me to put it on. And lastly, SHITzi's move sounds like something Rucker would do-or has done!

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